Wednesday, October 30, 2013

He Wins, She Wins: A Book Review

About The Book:

Every conflict in your marriage is an opportunity to fall more deeply in love.
You've probably heard a lot of advice on how to resolve conflicts in your marriage. What you may not know is that if a resolution comes only in order to keep the peace, it's no resolution at all. Marriage expert Willard F. Harley, Jr., says there's a better way.

What's different about the He Wins, She Wins approach is the ultimate goal--for you and your spouse to grow in your love for each other. This win-win model for negotiation starts with a simple rule: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. 

Think that sounds impossible? In this book, Dr. Harley will show you how it's been done in his marriage of over fifty years--and in the marriages of the thousands of couples he's counseled. He'll explain the art of marital negotiation, show you how to resolve common conflicts the right way, and help you overcome these common obstacles:

· emotional reactions are preventing calm discussion
· neither of you wants to talk about an issue
· one or both of you are indecisive
· one of you is happy with the status quo
· being enthusiastic about anything doesn't seem possible

And above all, he'll show you how every decision you make together will increase your love for each other.

Have conflicts and disagreements been piling up between you and your spouse? Do you find yourself wondering when it's all just going to boil over?

If so, this book is for you.

With laser-like precision, Dr. Harley gets to the heart of marital conflicts and offers a time-tested way to resolve them. Then he walks you through the five most common sources of conflict in marriage:

· friends and family
· career and time management
· finances
· children
· sex

Finally, he shows you how to overcome obstacles to resolving marital conflicts the right way.

You can read an excerpt here, in PDF format

About The Author:

Willard F. Harley, Jr., is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her NeedsFive Steps to Romantic LoveLove Busters; and Surviving an Affair. Harley's most popular book, His Needs, Her Needs, is now available as a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His website,, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. He and his wife, Joyce, host a daily radio call-in show, Marriage Builders Radio, that can be heard on radio stations nationwide and on his website.

My Review:

If there is one book that NEEDS to be read by all dating, engaged and married (be it newlywed or married for years!) it is this new book from author William F. Harley Jr., He Wins, She Wins.

It is choke full of fantastic practical tips and life experiences from the author that will teach you how to not fight, but negogiate a win-win situation. It is not about who wins an arguement, but how to communicate in a peaceful manner so that both sides are heard and a settlement comes that both parties agree upon. I love that he also reminds readers that resentment does not have a place in a healthy marriage. He includes a ton of questions and surveys for couples to work through together. I believe this is a book that should be introduced to all those in pre-marital counselling, so to help equip engaged couples in how to "fight nice". In a marriage there is always situations that will cause more conflict then others, like money, sex, kids, time managment, and Farley Jr., discusses these in a well-rounded manner. The Love Busters and Emotional Needs Questionerres were very enlightening for both my husband and I. 

While it seemed from the onset of reading this book, that arguements should not happen, that is not what the book's message is. Of course we will argue and fight, we are human. But what the author (and many other Christian authors of marriage books) is trying to teach is a way to communicate where there is less hurt and resentment, and more love, acknowledgement of feelings and agreement versus compromise. I definitely learned a lot from this book that I can personally apply as a wife. 

I highly recommend this book and give it a huge thumbs up.

BUY IT: You can purchase He Wins, She Wins at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

***I received a complimentary copy of this book, courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications Inc., for the purpose of review on this blog. All opinions expressed are my own, and I have not been compensated in any other manner***

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